She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
