heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
