Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
