Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm jealous of your bromance
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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