Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
