Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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