Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
