here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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