I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
