I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You dont lie about slip and slides
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
