My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
