I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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