You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
