The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
