I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
