The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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