you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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