The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
