Plan B is the new Plan A
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
