How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
