is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
