she looked like the before picture.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
