we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
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Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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