I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
