I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't think brook has ever known best
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
