1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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