Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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