So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
