fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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