i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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