forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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