you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
