So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
