to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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