dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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