he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
