Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
