Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
