yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
this is an emotional support booty call
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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