I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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