she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
