we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
