Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
