I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
