I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize