Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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