so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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