Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
