Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
