Where is the hickey?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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