that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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