I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
