As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You need a sexual gate keeper
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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