I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
