Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
