Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
