She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
