"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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