Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
even my farts smell like vagina
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
