they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
