Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
