why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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